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A Journey to Self-Love

by Lillia Rockamore, Founder & Podcast Host of Unapologetic Expressions


Occasionally, I spend time reading over my journal pages, it really allows me to take a look at my growth or lack thereof. Reading my journal saved my life because it was showing me just how quickly I had drifted from myself and God.

I don't know if it was the Sunday I missed church because I had a hangover, or maybe it was the time I decided I didn't want to serve because I just didn't feel like being bothered with people, but somewhere down the line it became evident that I grew distant. My priorities changed and not for the better. It became easier to silence the spirit of conviction than to repent for my sins. My circle of friends changed, my hobbies changed, and I honestly became a different person. I was experiencing depression and it broke me, mentally, physically and spiritually. I shut down anyone who tried to help me, because the enemy convinced me that it was better for me to be alone than it was to receive love and support. All it really took was for me to isolate myself and before I knew it I reached the sunken place.  The depression affected me as a woman, friend, daughter, and most importantly as a mother. There were days when I would hide from my children and cry because I felt overwhelmed and unequipped. That is how the enemy works first he isolates you, then he attacks your thoughts and as we all know our thoughts become our actions.

I found myself feeling like I didn't care about anything and eventually I started to self-destruct. I will be honest. On the outside I was able to hold it together, I let very few, if any, people know the condition of my heart. Instead I pretended that everything was great, and I was the same happy-go-lucky Lillia. I think we all do that, put up a façade to keep people from seeing how damaged we really are. It’s easier to save face than to deal with issues of the heart. I always hear the saying what you have on the inside of you will eventually come out and let me tell you that is the truth. I found myself always being negative, always finding the bad in something. Darkness consumed me, and I refused to let any light in. I even found it hard to pray. One day I was forced to see who I had become as a mother, and honestly, I was disgusted with myself. My boys were constantly fighting, yelling and not getting along because I had created an environment filled with negativity. 

I could say I started praying daily, reading the bible, and attending church on Sundays again but that would be a lie. I continued my destructive behavior and found myself pregnant again for the 4th time. It was at that time that I realized what I had. It was a heart issue and I needed to work on myself from the inside out.

Before I could make any changes, I had to get real with myself about how bad it had gotten only then could I start the healing process. I started small, saying positive affirmations to myself daily to rebuttal against any lie the enemy told me. I made the conscious decision to thank God for something different everyday no matter how big or small. I started doing morning meditation thinking on the positive things in my life. Over time, I began to feel better, my kids seemed happier and I was experiencing peace. Spending time with God no longer felt like a chore but more of a desire.  Everything is not perfect, I still have storms and days I want to throw in the towel, but I now have a better understanding of how life works. I now understand that trouble doesn't last always and that every storm has an end date. I find comfort in knowing that God will always be there in the midst with me. He loves me just as much today in the middle of my mess as he will when I get to where he is calling me.

I used to think that my gift or purpose had to be this big production however, your gift is anything that contributes to the Kingdom of God. Transparency is my gift and I was inspired to start my podcast Unapologetic Expressions. Through sharing my struggles and downfalls, I’m constantly healing and growing.

Life can get hard when you feel like you are doing it all alone, I can assure you that you aren’t. I have found healing in my transparency through helping others. Someone needs your testimony, they are waiting on YOU. Sometimes he will send you through something so that you can share and help someone else out.

Today, I implore you to let God use you, be a light to a dark world by showing someone his love and grace. You never know you may just be saving someone's life.

There is healing in transparency.

One-on-One with Lillia Rockamore

Podcast Host of Unapologetic Expressions

Q1. Tell us about your podcast. Unapologetic Expressions?

  1. Unapologetic Expressions is a Podcast that I started to document my growth as a woman. I wanted to let others know that they are not alone and even in the midst of your mess God loves you and can use you. Often times, we try so hard to live up to society's standards of who we are supposed to be that we are very hard on ourselves. I am starting a movement to show all women that you don’t have to be ashamed of your story. Live in your truth.

Q2. What topics does your podcast touch on?

  1. The podcast touches on a variety of life experiences that I have had as a single mother in todays world. Every show includes vital information I have learned and still currently learning on my journey to self-discovery.

Q3. What was your motivation for creating it?

  1. Often, we go through things alone because we are worried about what someone would think. I wanted to show women that we can be confident in our truth even when its not always pretty. Letting them know they aren’t alone. I've stepped outside of my comfort zone to share my truths and the things that I have learned in hopes of helping someone else. There is healing in transparency.Check out Lillia's podcast:

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